* The Improv!
* Tour Schedule
* The Endpin! This month: Instruments of Destruction!

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* Improv!

On November 21, 2009, at the Duncan Garage Showroom on Vancouver Island, Mel Watson & I had some improvisational fun with my song "What's Up".

To treat yourself to, and treasure this trippy, not-exactly-trendy, trumpet-triggered, transfat free, tragicomically triumphant track, traipse down and trounce that trusty trigger!

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* Tour Schedule

(All dates are solo performances unless otherwise specified)

To bring the wildcello guy to your town, please click here, or reply to this email.

Sat, Feb 6 7:00PM
Saltspring Island
(with Oona McOuat)
The Treehouse

Sun, Feb 7 8:00PM
Duncan, BC
Duncan Garage Showroom

Mon, Feb 8 8:00PM
Saltspring Island
Opening for Barney Bentall, Shari Ulrich, Tom Taylor
Fulford Hall

Fri-Sun, Feb 19-21
Whitehorse, Yukon
(with Oona McOuat)
Frostbite Festival

Mon, Feb 22 11:00AM
Whitehorse, Yukon
(with Oona)
school show and workshops

Tue, Feb 23 7:30PM
Haines Junction, Yukon
(with Oona)
Haines Junction Arts

Thu, Feb 25, 11:00am
Whitehorse, Yukon
(with Oona)
school show and workshops

Please note: only the month of February is shown, for complete wildcello tour info: (past & future)


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* The Endpin!

“Violent Cellists”. The juxtaposition of these two words seems a contradiction in terms. Yet violent incidents amongst cellists are happening more and more, all over the world.

We met with Dr Mikhail Manson, a cello-playing sociology professor with the University of Pennsylvania, who has been studying the issue since 2004.

Dr M: “No one is completely sure as to how this (cellistic violence) has come about; however, be that as it may, such behaviours have not only become prevalent, they are clearly on the rise. Where we see it happening with greater frequency is in symphony auditions. Where it was once “let the best cellist win”, now, who wins the audition is not necessarily determined by who is the best at playing notes on the cello. Often, contests are fought and won by bow fighting, and these matches often take place long before auditions are even held. Though many cellists maintain a certain code of honour - usually opting to disarm rather than injure - injuries do occur. A duelling cellist might go for a “swipe”, in which their opponent’s bow is taken by sliding one’s own bow in between the stick and the hair and wresting it away. But such an action can go awry, and the opposing cellist may be struck, rather than his bow. Then, the endpins can come out.”

WCN: “It sounds dreadful! Is this a recent phenomenon? It seems so foreign, so uncharacteristic of the cello culture that the WCN has been reporting on all these years.”

Dr M: “It is comparatively recent. We believe that its roots can be traced back to the inclusion of cello as an instrument of violence in popular culture. The earliest overt example of this can be found in the final scenes of a 1971 biker film, The Wild Riders, in which two men are slain by a cellist, who uses his bow and cello as weapons. (though the cellist’s motive is self defense, the images are nevertheless disturbing) About twelve years after that, as MTV rose to prominence, pretty much the only time a cello would appear in a video, it would be destroyed by the end. Few people were injured in those instances - only cellos - still, we believe that such images were like destructive seeds, and having been planted, continued to be nurtured as the years passed. In the last ten years or so, as violence amongst cellists has risen to an all time high, two different factors have played important parts. The first is the music itself: Death Metal, Grindcore, Black Metal, Thrash, Doom and the like, are all genres in which it is not unusual for the cello to figure prominently. And these bands are not exactly playing tunes that one could describe as exuding sweetness and light. The second factor is subliminal CGI, or Computer Generated Imagery. The Lord of the Rings, an extremely popular movie series, depends heavily on CGI for a large part of its content, particularly with regard to battle scenes. With CGI, pretty much anything is possible, but we were shocked - shocked - to discover that fully thirty-eight percent of all the “swords” used by the Orks in the both The Two Towers and The Return of the King are actually CGI renditions of cello bows! Slow down most any fight scene and they are clearly depicted...”

WCN: “ ... sorry to interrupt, but how can you tell that they’re cello bows and not some other sort of bow?”

Dr M: “Oh, it’s obvious. Cello bows have a very exact weight, between 80-84 grams, and look - ”

WCN: “ - how can you tell the weight just by looking - ”

Dr M: “Weasel! Stop interrupting me! As I was saying, they have a distinct look and are easily differentiated form a skinny violin or viola bow, or the fat, stodgy bass bow. They’re cello bows alright. And millions - millions - of people have watched those battle scenes and been subliminally influenced into believing that a cello bow is an instrument of violence - violence!!”

WCN: “OK, OK, calm down.”

Dr M: “I said....stop interrupting me! I am calm! I only...study...violence...I...am...not...violent. I will...not..succumb...to...violence. I LOVE The Swan! I...ARRRRRRAGGH! Where is my bow??!!”

WCN: “Whoa! Time to go now!!”


©2010 Corbin Keep Note: the above is best read after playing a few rounds of Resident Evil Cellist 4...